Anxiety vs Normal – Part 2

14 11.Oct.2014

Hi, it’s me, long time, no post, etc. How’s the wife?

Seeing as how it’s Mental Health World Awareness Day, I thought i’d do another post on the nuances between someone living with my issues (I think it’s anxiety and possibly some other stuff) and Normal People.

Naturally i’m assuming the ‘normal’ version is what people do.

Posting a reply on something Personal on a Social Network

Normal Person

“Hope it gets better soon m8”.

Anxiety Person

Does this require a Funny or Serious response?
OK, that’s a pretty personal, maybe I should say something deep and meaningful.
But this isn’t my wall, their mates and family are going to be like “WTF, why is he telling us this?
OK, i’ll go down the funny route
That’s a bit rude.
Do I even know this person? We just post on the same forums.
Does this deserve a ‘like’? A ‘like’ is an acknowledgement that i’ve read the post, but it also indicates that their content is positive.
Oh no, Someone else has posted what I was going to say, I was basically totally going to say that.
Shit, they’re getting likes, I should have posted that sooner.
Ok, this is what I think I would do in that situation, everyone wants to hear solutions to problems that doesn’t effect them. I know when I’m ineffectually ranting on FB, what I need is extricitly detailed solutions rather than an online equivalent to a nod.
Remember that time you had a stomach ache and everyone told you to change every detail of your life? When all you wanted was a “Hope you get better soon”? That’s what you’re doing here.
Fine, OK, I’m going with a “That sucks, hope it sorts itself out. If you need me, PM.
OH GOD, THEY’VE SENT ME A PRIVATE MESSAGE, IF I DON’T CLICK THE BLUE BAR THEY WON’T KNOW I’VE SEEN IT…. *goes to another website, logs out of FB on half a dozen devices*

Being approached to buy Weed by some bloke in the street.

Normal Person

This can go two ways…
– No Thanks
– Yes Please.

Anxiety Person

If I don’t make eye contact, this person won’t speak to me.
Oh good, all he wants is a light, I can do that.
*rummages through pockets*, “Sure, two secs…. ermm…. yeah’, oh, here it is. Here you go“.
“No problem, have a good day my friend”.
Well, i’ve not done it before, not in many years, but i’ve been thinking about it. How much is it?
£10 for a gram? How many Joints do I get for that?
Hmm, I can’t roll it up into a naughty-cigarette though, it’s a bit pathetic to ask him to roll it them for me. This is a terrible idea.
I heard that weed is really good for my stomach issues, because it increases the appetite and works as a painkiller. It’s basically harmless, young kids do it these days. It would help me cut back on the real painkillers. I might enjoy it too, I might enjoy it too much, what if I end up like a Lil Wayne or Dappy? He might make me do him Favours instead of paying him, like, I would have to do a “Drop off” and “pick up” in some secluded carpark. I like rap music, rap people tend to like it. It’s all about the context your mind is in, if I’m happy, it’ll make me happier. Am I truly happy? Not really. Not inside my heart.
I’ve taken too long to speak, I should call it Draw because thats what they called it when I was a teen. I don’t want to end up with wood-shavings or oregano. I guess £10 for a gram of oregano is cheap though if I do end up with that. I had better look knowledable or he’ll do me in
What kind of weed is this?
Oh good, I’ve heard Turkish Cheese is great, do you have any of that Afgan stuff?
I’d imagine supply is quite short of Afganistani weed at the moment, the supply chain must be terrible. I bet it was made in the UK, some flat in Edmonton or something like that. That’s what they do, they rent out flats and use them to grow weed, I saw it on a news report. There was that house in Cockfosters that burnt down because they grew too much. I wonder how you claim on the insurance on that?
I’ll ask him for his number and maybe i’ll get back to him. Probably won’t, but still. It’ll be good to have a drug dealer I just meet of the street in my phonebook. Yeah’, proper bad-ass.
Can you go to jail for having a drug dealer’s number in your phone? I don’t think this guy is the police, probably not. Definatly not.
Do you have a number or something? I might be up for it, not sure at the moment.
Oh god, i’ve gotten my phone out, he’s going to mug me. I’d mug me if I was him, I’ve spent so long wasting this man’s time. I deserve to get mugged.
OK, I’ve not given him my number, he won’t call me, but i’ve got his number incase I change my mind.
* Get home *
*Text my friend who knows about this kind of thing*
Hay, ***, is £10 good for Draw? I just got offered Draw.” – I bet he thinks i’m a bad-ass too.
* Spends the next week weighing up the pros and cons*

Having to queue for a Hair Cut .

Normal Person

”Alright mate, how many infront?”
”OK, how long roughly?”.
”An hour? Lovely…”.
I’ll just take this magazine and sit and wait.

Anxiety Person

It’s a Saturday, I only get two of these a week, and they’re not open on the other one. I resent having to spend my time having to queue to get a hair cut. It’s not that bad anyway. When the fuck do normal people get their haircut? I don’t know any blokes who get their hair cut, but everyone looks normal. Nobody ever mentions getting a haircut on Facebook, but I’m sure it must happen.

You know what, it’s a fucking mess, this is the third week in a row you’ve avoided it, just get it over and done with. You won’t go in the week because you’ll be pretending that you’re working.

”Au’righ’ Guv’nor, ‘ow lon’ left?”

Fucking hell, shouldda come in earlier. I knew I shouldn’t have watched Rachael Khoo. God, she’s so swell. I’d marry her in a second. Wouldn’t even think about it, I don’t care if it turns out she doesn’t like Hollyoaks.

Lovely, can I come back in 30 minutes? Oh, it’ll mess up the queue, no problem, i’ll wait here.…

It’s silly that I should have to wait here, they could do some ticket system like at the counters at Harrods when you want a bit of cheese

I could invent an app that’ll alert you when you have an appointment, it could have iBeacons to put you in the queue almost automatically. Really it could be used for any service, like, when you wait in all day for a delivery. If you know you’re X in the queue, you know to get to the place on time or miss your spot. They’ll pay me millions for this. I’ll use a REST API and let anyone hook into it. It could be use for anything chronological really. I’ll make it both a Service and an App.

God I hate music telivision, does this count as music these days? I swear this Jason Durello fella can’t play the trumpet. God, how do they allow this on before the watershed? What the hell is a Watershed anyway? Oh, that’s a Micky Ninja, she’s practically having sex with the air there. Did she just say her “My pussy smells great, like lunch on a plate?” Surely not at this time of the day.

I’m sure I was before that guy who’s just gone up.

This is where my App would have been better. No arguments.

Ok, I’m defiantly up next, what is it I get again? I think it’s a 4 around the sides and “Neat but choppy” on top. I’ll just say “Whatever you think is best”, i’m sure they’ll pick the right choice.

Oh god, I forgot to think up something to talk about. He’s going to think i’m rude if I don’t talk. Just don’t mention your health stuff, they don’t need to know and I don’t want to talk about it.

Ok, I’m up. What is it I wanted again? Oh shit.

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